Self-confidence – we all know what it is in theory, but the specifics can feel pretty enigmatic. Is it about bravery and risk-taking? About being outgoing? Or maybe it’s about how you present yourself?
I started exploring this topic when I realised my own confidence might have taken a hit. For me, it showed up as fear and self-doubt. I found myself reluctant to take opportunities or step into challenges that once felt natural.
In search of answers, I came across two books: The Confidence Gap and The Confidence Code. They differ in style and approach, but both are valuable reads. This post isn’t meant as a book review though. Both offer a wide range of tools and techniques, but I’ll only touch on the ones that really resonated with me.
What I want to share here is my personal perspective—what’s been working for me, and what might be useful for you too. In short, my recipe for tackling self-doubt is captured perfectly in Nike’s slogan: Just do it.
Or maybe even better: Do it, celebrate it, and keep moving.
Because building and maintaining self-confidence requires constant effort. It’s not a single leap but an ongoing process—a long and sometimes lonely journey. Here’s how I break it down into three steps:
1. Get out of your mind’s trap
To begin with, let’s pause and talk about what self-confidence actually is, and why we sometimes lack it.
Confidence is often defined as a feeling of certainty or assurance. It’s the belief that you can accomplish the task you set out to do without letting doubts consume you. It’s knowing you can master something. And it grows through process and progress—which makes it specific to the task at hand. You’ll naturally feel more confident doing something familiar than when you’re trying something entirely new, right?
But the best part is this: confidence is contagious. Mastering one thing fuels your belief that you can master something else too.
On the flip side, a lack of confidence makes us feel incapable of handling challenges, and often we avoid them altogether. Why? Because our mind traps us with excessive, unjustified worries. Our brain starts inventing reasons not to try—like a lack of skills or fear of judgement from others—painting vivid pictures of everything that could go wrong. Fear takes over, and eventually we give up before even trying.
The first step is noticing this process. And I know, that’s much easier said than done. But awareness itself is powerful—it’s the beginning of loosening fear’s grip. Over time, you can find techniques that work for you: maybe rationalising those thoughts, ridiculing them, reframing them, or seeking support from others. Whatever the method, the goal is the same: freeing yourself from the trap.
2. Act! And don’t forget your values
Once you manage to quiet the doubts, the next step is to act. Confidence is built through action—it’s about leaving your comfort zone and doing the hard things. When you repeat this enough times, those hard things become easier, you feel proud of yourself, and you gain courage to tackle even bigger challenges.
In The Confidence Gap, this is described as a cycle of:
- Practicing the skills
- Applying them effectively
- Assessing the results
- Modifying the approach as needed
A personal example: I hate making phone calls and avoid them whenever possible (yes, that’s my very Gen Z thing). Especially calls where I’m asking someone for a favour—that’s double the discomfort. Recently though, after all other means of communication failed, I had no choice but to call someone for a project-related task.
And guess what? The person on the other end didn’t bite—quite the opposite. They were lovely, understanding, and genuinely happy to help. Something I dreaded for hours was resolved in two minutes.
And the aftermath? I felt so proud of myself. Just one phone call made me walk a few millimetres taller for the rest of the day. Next time, it will be less scary. That’s the point: taking even a small step proves to yourself that you’re capable—and that feeling snowballs. As The Confidence Gap puts it:
'The actions of confidence come first, the feelings of confidence come later.'
Of course, none of this is easy. Leaving your comfort zone always brings fear. And that’s okay—fear doesn’t mean stop. The trick is to redirect its energy into action. Think about the “adrenaline rush”—instead of letting it paralyse you, use it as fuel.
And here’s where values come in. They’re what keep us going when fear feels overwhelming. Goals are finite—you complete them and tick them off. Values, on the other hand, are ongoing. They’re what bring meaning to your actions and sustain you through the long haul. Just like in business, values are the core drivers that motivate and inspire us even when things get tough.
3. Celebrate and keep going
As I said at the start, self-development is a long and sometimes lonely journey. To stay on track, it’s crucial to recognise your own efforts.
Support from others is helpful, but no one can be a better cheerleader for you than yourself. Only you know the full story—the effort you put in, the fears you faced, the energy it took to push through. That phone call example? To me, it was a huge achievement. To anyone else, it probably looked insignificant. If I hadn’t celebrated it myself, waiting for others to notice would have left me disappointed.
Progress might not always look spectacular, but it matters. That’s where values help again. They keep you grounded, ensuring your actions align with something meaningful, even when the results seem small.
And over time, those small steps compound. Even if the ultimate goal feels impossible at first, persistence pays off. One day, often when you least expect it, you’ll look back and realise how much you’ve grown, how many skills you’ve built, and how much taller you stand—figuratively and maybe even literally.
Ready to try it yourself?
I know these steps aren’t prescriptive or highly specific—and that’s intentional. Confidence isn’t one-size-fits-all. Each of us has to find the tools and practices that resonate.
But here’s what I’ve learned: confidence isn’t something you wait to feel before acting. It comes from acting, celebrating the effort, and moving forward.
Even writing this post is an example of applying the method. For hours, I gave myself reasons not to do it. Then I realised—that’s exactly why I had to. And now that it’s written, I feel a few millimetres taller again.
And I hope, by taking your own little steps, you will too.